The In-between
Writings from the middle of my semester abroad:
I should know by now that I can overcome difficult situations and shifting changes. I should know to take my own advice to stay hopeful and take it day by day. I should know that I am capable, strong, and resilient. However, knowing all of these things doesn’t make the unknown any less scary. It doesn’t make me adapt flawlessly to changes and new environments. It doesn’t make the in-between any easier.
Starting new adventures like this one is exciting and humbling. I knew that I was going to be thrown into a situation of immense personal growth. I tried to prepare myself as much as I could by acknowledging that the next few months were about to be hard, but beautiful. Challenging and breathtaking. I thought that this mindset would make the transition a little less rough on myself as I settled into my apartment in Florence, Italy, yet I was still uneasy about not knowing how the rest of the semester was going to play out. You see; I like to have a plan (ha! What a surprise). I like to know where I need to get my groceries, where to restock on shampoo, how the professors are going to grade our essays, and what countries I’m going to each weekend (casual).
The first month was an ongoing process of getting settled. I assumed that after one week I would be completely unpacked, fridge stocked, daily routine set, and to have already fallen in love with Florence.
Unfortunately, I don’t think 7 days is enough for anyone to reach this goal I set in my mind. I wanted to be at the point in the semester where I could roam the streets without Google maps open on my phone, waltzing into my favorite coffee shop on my own and living my best life. Now, as I write this, I realize that I have reached the point of no maps and I do have a favorite coffee place but THE POINT IS that once again, I’ve set unrealistic expectations for myself. Shocker!
Another thing that’s been hard is the constant comparison between my friends’ abroad experiences and mine. I’ve had multiple friends go abroad recently and come back to tell me it was the TIME OF THEIR LIFE and they met lifelong friends and really peaked. I am so so happy for them, but I’ve set that as a bar to compare my experience to. Of course, I’ve already written about how NOT to compare your life path with anyone else’s, but guess who’s human and doesn’t always remember to take their own advice? Me!!!
The in-between is hard. Not knowing how the next week is going to be is hard. Walking in the freezing cold, pouring rain is hard when you know that eventually there will be a week where the sun will come out and it will be 70 degrees. However, it doesn’t make the walk any less important or enjoyable. These memories of discomfort and not-knowing are vital to recognizing growth and strength. The in-between is not anyone’s favorite part. It’s not going to be documented in a picture on instagram. It’s not going to be mentioned when asked about your abroad experience after the fact. It’s not something we like to share about, but it’s there my friends! However, it helps you get to the good. It’s been a month and I’m still in-between something, but I’ve already been rewarded with laughter, happiness, and beauty.
I feel like it’s been years since I first flew into Rome, nervous and sweaty as I trudged through the streets of Rome with my 60 lb. suitcase. I’ve laughed, cried, sang, danced, ate, observed, and traveled in some of the most beautiful places. With all of the beautiful pictures and moments, there are always some lows to counter the highs. Life can’t be one continuous stream of highlights. There have been moments where I’ve eaten gas station crackers for breakfast, almost passed out in a restaurant in Switzerland, laid in the Airbnb bed for 2 hours due to exhaustion, and cried in the middle of a crowded piazza. I’ve missed home countless times, but I’ve also felt so comfortable and welcome here as well.
A few days ago, I walked around Florence by myself, taking in the sunshine. I bought myself a painting that I really liked from a street artist and didn’t second-guess my choice. I sat on some church steps and observed the busy streets. I went to one of my favorite restaurants by myself and greeted the waiters I knew by name. I talked and laughed with an American couple while taking in the gorgeous pink sunset over the river. I’ve stretched myself by going on adventures, but I’ve also allowed myself to take in my surroundings and appreciate the beauty of the moment. Florence, ti amo.
