The Checklist

I’ve always felt as if there was a right way to do things.

I’ve always followed the rules; I’ve always wanted to make the right decision. That’s probably why I’m so terrible at making decisions. I’m so indecisive because I’m scared that I’m going to make the wrong decision.

I’ve always thought that life is supposed to travel on a linear path. You go through elementary school, middle school, high school, and then college. The idea of “college” was shaped by what I saw from the large state schools around me. I had the idea that the typical notion of “higher education” was found at a large, prestigious school with an enormous library that contained thousands of books and dark wooden tables, huge brick buildings, and overwhelmingly hard classes.

College looked one way to me.

I always thought there was a set list of “experiences you have in college” that every person had to go through and check off.

You see; I love checking off lists. I make to-do lists every day and feel satisfied crossing through each completed task. I was prepared to go into college with my “checklist” and experience everything that I had been taught was common or normal to experience. I felt like every single college student had to experience the same things, because that’s what makes us similar right?

I got stressed as I realized that I couldn’t check off a lot of what I had perceived was necessary to experience. I was scared that I wasn’t doing it right.

If I wasn’t following the so-called “rules” of life experiences I thought I needed to have in order to be qualified as a college student, I somehow felt that I was doing it wrong, or failing myself.

However, what I’ve come to realize is that there isn’t a standard college checklist that is printed out and handed to every college student across the country.

There is no way that you can compare your own college experience with someone else’s in order to see if you’re doing it “right.” There is no right way; it’s just your way. It’s impossible to expect each person to experience things the same way.

I’ve tried to let go of this idea of a life checklist and let things happen as they come. I can’t sit here beating myself up because my checklist doesn’t look the same as someone else’s. There are some things I need to do for myself that look different from what others need to do for themselves. I shouldn’t be angry or disappointed in myself because my life is supposed to look different from everybody else’s.

That’s why life is so cool.